Si Vis Pacem Page 21

  Which is why, when we swing by the guys’ room on our way to dinner, I’m dripping in grease.

  Nate either doesn’t mind or doesn’t notice: he looks up from his reader just long enough to smile, move to the seat next to Rody’s, and go back to his work. “That time already? Five minutes and I’m done.”

  “Sure thing, sweetie,” murmurs Dee.

  Rody smiles at her and frowns at me. “Pax, for the love of all that is holy, have you seen the state of you? You’re frankly unsanitary.”

  “Thank you. I am aware. Mind if I have a wash in your ‘fresher?”

  “Riddle me this: I know you can’t be out of water, so why do you persist in using my facilities rather than yours?”

  “Because one of my lovely roommates was in the ‘fresher when I got home, and the other one called dibs on going in after. I was disinclined to fight them over it and I’m filthy. Which they knew I’d be, because I always am at the end of a tech lab, which is why they make sure that I have to wait for an age and a half before I can have a wash. I can’t eat like this.” I lift my hands up and wave them under his nose, careful not to drip on him.

  Nate looks up from his reader and wiggles his eyebrows seductively, or at least tries to. “I love the smell of heavy oil on a woman.” He backs off pretty quickly when I reach for him, though.

  Rody swats me away from the table. “Stop it. Get in there. Just don’t leave a mess.”

  “Do I ever?”

  “You don’t, but I feel compelled to point out that the reason I know this is that this is the third time we replayed this very scene this week.”

  “That’s because I have three tech labs a week.”

  “All I’m saying is that maybe this is an issue you ought to address.”

  I walk over to the ‘fresher while Dee takes the seat across him.

  “Rody, sweetheart, don’t encourage her. I’m preventing her from smothering them in their sleep at least twice a week.”

  “Why?”

  “We have to live together for a year. I’d like to get on with them.”

  I bellow at her through the ‘fresher door. “Zero chance!”

  “Dee, I really hate to say this, I really do, but I think she’s right.”

  I bellow again. “I heard that!”

  “Shut it, Paxy!” he bellows back. “Deeqa, despite the despicable company you keep, anyone who doesn’t get on with you demonstrates a tragic lack of taste, so your roommates are clearly defective. That’s not my primary concern, though. I think there’s only one thing you could do to make those two harpies like you, and you won’t do it.”

  “What is it?”

  “Start fucking up. Paxy is whooping their ass in class, isn’t she?”

  “Yes and no. She’s whooping everyone’s ass.”

  “And you’re doing pretty great too, aren’t you?”

  “I’m holding my own.” I can hear the smile in her voice.

  “That’s your problem. I think they’re worried that you’re going to steal their thunder. I bet they thought they were going to be uncontested, and then you two turned up. If all of you manage it, it’s not going to look half as impressive. Particularly if Tiny Terror manages it.”

  I come out of the ‘fresher just on time to catch that, so he bows in my general direction. “No offense to Her Shortness.”

  “I can’t be offended because I have no idea what the fuck you’re on about. Care to elaborate?”

  “What? You’re very, very small. You must be aware of that.”

  “You mention it often enough for the concept to have sunk in. What thunder am I supposed to be stealing?”

  He blinks. “You don’t know?”

  “Know what?”

  He nudges Nate. “Dude, they don’t know.”

  I’m getting tired of this. “We would if you fucking told us!”

  Rody rubs his hands all over his head. “Shit. Well. Yeah. So, you know how the Academy doesn’t tend to attract too many female applicants?”

  “No. I spend my days with my head in a bucket.”

  “Did you notice how there are no female second years?”

  “There are female adjuncts, though.”

  “They’re hired in. Second years are graduated up, kinda thing.”

  “So?”

  “So there is no female second years because no woman ever graduated.”

  Dee gasps. She literally gasps, like a character in a novel. I don’t, but that’s only because for a split second I can’t breathe. “For real?”

  “Yeah. I mean, it doesn’t mean much because this place hasn’t been going for that long…”

  “Twenty-one years, Rody.”

  “How the fuck do you even know that?”

  “I read. And not a single woman has graduated?”

  “Nah. The ones who were here while I’ve been here didn’t really seem to want to, though. Most of them could have, but they didn’t.”

  “What did they do, just flunk out?”

  “A few left almost much as soon as they got here. I don’t think they liked the ambiance. They were very…” he flaps his hands in the air, “…ornamental. It got them more attention than they could handle.”

  “And we’re not?”

  He scowls. “Deeqa is one of the most beautiful women to ever grace the human race, but a lot of the blockheads here are too dim to realize it. You’re rabid and you’re top of most of your classes, so you’re a threat to their manhood. When was the last time one of them tried it on with you?”

  I have to think back. “Before I handed in my first set of coursework.”

  “There you go. I think most of them are in denial of your existence.”

  ”Suits me fine, but you aren’t answering my question.”

  “Which is?”

  “Nobody expects us to graduate, do they?”

  He cringes. “I don’t know. I don’t go around talking about you.”

  Dee’s expression is mournful, and I feel like a total asshole. Coming here was my idea. “Dee, we can do this. You know we can.”

  She leans back in her chair and closes her eyes. “I don’t know if I can, but I know that you will. You’ll need to prove everyone wrong, so you will graduate. Even if it kills you. All I can do is hope that it doesn’t.”

  Rody nudges her with his foot. “Lovey, worry not: this is a non-issue. It’s nothing but a self-fulfilling prophecy. An impossible feat is only impossible until someone performs it, and then it becomes practically mundane. It’s like scaling a mountain or breaking a speed record: it might take decades for someone to manage it, but as soon as one person does it, a whole bunch of people do the same.”

  “What does that have to do with us graduating?”

  “No woman has ever graduated from the Academy. The feat is thereby deemed impossible. There is no logical reason why that would be the case, though. I won’t even bother arguing about the academic aspect of the course, because that’s a no-brainer. As for the physical side of things, men are, on average, stronger than women. We tend to be larger and have a greater muscle mass. Being a Patrolman isn’t a godsdamned arm-wrestling competition, though. We are a tool-using species, thank the gods. We travel by ship. We defend ourselves with armor and blasters. And a Patrolman doesn’t rely on force; he relies on power, and that power comes to him directly from the Fed. Does that make sense?”

  “Yes. But…”

  “But you didn’t see what I just did.”

  “What?”

  “I just called a Patrolman a “he” and you didn’t bat an eyelid. You just accepted it. That’s wrong, and that is the first thing you need to change. You’ve got to picture in your mind a Patrol including women – no, picture a Patrol in which the gender of a Patrolperson just won’t be a factor. Change the way you look at the problem, and half of it will disappear.”

  “What about the other half?”

  He shrugs. “The other half will still be there. You have to pass all your courses in order to graduate
. If you graduate, however, your admission to the Patrol is guaranteed. Whether you’ll come to regret that, that’s another story. It can get pretty rough out there, from what I hear.”

  That makes Dee sag. “Lovey, I can’t even manage my own roommates.”

  “That’s because you’re not ruthless. Set Paxy on them. We can help you hide the bodies.”

  Nate turns off his reader and whacks him with it in one movement. “Stop lecturing people, and if you’re going to give out unsolicited advice, at least make it relevant. You are all looking at the issue from precisely the wrong direction.”

  “Oh yeah? Care to enlighten us?”

  “If they don’t like their roommates, why do they stay there?”

  Rody purses his lips. “Yeah, alright. I didn’t think of that. You win.”

  “Sweetie,” murmurs Dee, “that’s our room. That’s where they put us.”

  Nate lets his head flop sideways. “Unput yourselves, then. Move. The Academy administration doesn’t care where you sleep.”

  “They don’t?”

  “Of course not. Why should they? You’re adults.”

  I hate to burst their bubble, but someone has to. “There is nowhere to go. There are no spare bunkrooms. I checked.”

  Nate’s head flops the other way. “But there are tons of spare bunks.”

  “We can’t just go and ask some guys to bunch up to give us space.”

  “Don’t. Just find two spare bunks and use them.”

  “We can’t bunk up with guys!” squeals Dee.

  “Why not?”

  “Because… I don’t know! Because we can’t! Honey, you tell him!” She’s staring at me, clearly horrified, but I can’t help her.

  “Dee, I was in co-ed dorms all the way until I got to… Until I started school. It was never an issue.”

  Dee snorts. “You were a child then! Certain issues weren’t issues!”

  Rody picks up her hand and squeezes it. “That makes no sense. By that metric you shouldn’t bunk with girls, in case you get ideas.”

  “That’s different!”

  “My girl, you study, work, wrestle, float, and shoot with guys. If… When you graduate, you’ll spend at least a year in a tin can in space with a bunch of them. I think getting some shut-eye with them wouldn’t kill you.”

  She yanks her hand out of his grasp. She must know that he’s making sense, or she wouldn’t be so brusque. “It makes no odds. We don’t know anyone well enough.”

  That’s when Nate clearly has enough of the whole conversation, because he flops forward and whacks his head on the table.

  Dee gasps again. “Sweetie, are you OK?”

  He lifts his head up. It’s undamaged, thankfully, but it sports a deeper-than-usual frown. “No. You know someone well enough. You know us.”

  None of us say a damn thing or make a move, so I’m guessing we’re all equally startled. Rody looks positively panicked. I can’t blame the guy.

  Nate rolls his eyes and carries on. “Think about it. We get on. You’re always here, anyway. It would make no odds if you also slept here. Right, Roadster?” He looks so wistful that Rody doesn’t stand a chance.

  “Yeah,” sighs Rody. “We could give it a try. Stay over a couple of nights and see how it goes. Your honor will remain untarnished. It’s not as if there could be any carryings-on.”

  That sets Dee off again. She straightens herself up, her chin high in the air. “And why is that?”

  “Because none of us but Pax is that way inclined.”

  “What about Nate?”

  “What about him?”

  “He’s not gay.”

  “He’s not straight, either. Oh,” Rody cringes. “Sorry, man. I didn’t mean to out you.”

  Nate shrugs. “No bother. I’m not in.”

  I don’t have the least idea what the hell Rody is on about, and, for reasons beyond my comprehension, I really want to know. “How can you be neither straight nor gay?”

  He smirks, his dimple flashing. “Quite easily.”

  “You’re bi?”

  “Nope!”

  “What else is there?”

  Rody closes his eyes and sighs dramatically, “Now she’s done it.”

  “I’ve done what?”

  “Practically denied the man’s existence.”

  “The hell I did. I don’t know, so I’m asking. If he doesn’t want me to ask, he’ll tell me to shut the fuck up.” I turn to look at Nate. “You will, won’t you?”

  He winks at me. He needs more practice: he does it with both eyes. “Worry not, my chickadee. Subtlety is not my forte.”

  “Yeah, I kinda got that. So, what’s the deal?”

  “That’s rather the point. I don’t have a deal. I’m a plant.”

  “I’m still not getting it.”

  “You know how you feel about girls?”

  “Generally frustrated and often disgusted, present company excluded?”

  He smirks. “No. I mean, sexual attraction-wise.”

  “Yes.”

  “I feel like that too.”

  “What about guys?”

  “Same.”

  “You don’t like people?”

  He giggles. “Now you’re projecting. I like people well enough. I just don’t like them like that.”

  Rody leans forward to glare at me. “And before you ask about the prurient details of his plumbing: yes, everything works fine; yes, he dabbles; and no, he just thinks about how good it feels.”

  “I wasn’t going to…”

  “If you weren’t, you were thinking about it. Now that it’s all out and over with, and can I please go and get my bloody dinner?”

  He gets up off his seat and we all set off to the refectory in our usual formation: I link arms with Dee, Rody latches to her other side, and Nate oscillates wildly between Rody’s end and mine.

  I wait until Nate is near me to ask him, “Have you thought of, you know, trying?”

  “Yeah. But it’s just not my thing.”

  Rody looks at him fondly. “He gets plenty of offers and always turns them down. But the guys tap gently at his door all stealthy-like, so nobody finds out, so they carry on coming.”

  “Guys? After him? Not after you?”

  “Of course. He is a stunning specimen of manhood, he hardly looks at women, and he talks in polysyllables without the least provocation, so the guys assume that he’s gay and in the closet, hence a perfect candidate for a bit of experimentation on the QT. I, on the other hand, am decidedly out. Associating with me would be tantamount to announcing one’s orientation in the loudest possible way. It suits me fine, by the way: I like things fun and simple, and people who aren’t cool with themselves tend to be neither. A community of a thousand people is just big enough for the smallest interpersonal issue to escalate to the status of public spectacle while still retaining all the excitement of a village feud.”

  “I never thought about any of that.”

  “You never had to.”

  Dee gives us both a squeeze. “No. She just doesn’t think in those terms. It’s not that she doesn’t care about your problems; it’s that she doesn’t care enough about people to empathize with them turning anyone’s sexuality into a problem.”

  “I’m not entirely sure if that’s an endorsement or a warning, lovey. I guess it’s just as well that we took her in. Nate, you may keep her. Just don’t let her run amok and kill people, OK?”

  When Nate is really excited about something, he is as adorable as he is unstoppable. Disappointing him means watching his dimple disappear; a painful sight for anyone with a heart, and something neither Dee nor Rody can endure. That’s why we start our trial stay straight away.

  Organizing it is simple enough: after dinner we whizz by our room to pick up our sleeping gear and get grunted at by our delightful roommates, then we head back to the guys’ room like we would have anyway. By the time we get there, they’ve cleared their crap off their two spare bunks and rustled up some bedding. Their
bunks are identical to the bunks we’ve just abandoned, so adjusting to them is hardly a shock. Even so, when the time comes to turn in, Dee is still unconvinced. As soon as the lights go off, she starts tossing up a storm.

  I tap gently on our partition and wait until she taps back.

 

 

 

 

 

  I’m just about to ‘path her what I think of our two roommates and where they can file their complaints, when Rody grumbles from the depths of his bunk. “Dee, I love you dearly, but if you don’t cut that shit out I will smother you with a pillow.”

  “What?”

  “Whatever the fuck you’re doing, cut it out. It makes my teeth itch. It’s bad enough during the day, but at night it’s beyond irritating.”

  “Is it her doing that?” mumbles Nate. “Thank fuck. I thought my hearing implants were on the fritz.”

  “No, it’s Dee. Couldn’t you tell?”

  “Nah. My ears just kept popping. Like soap bubbles.” His head emerges from his cocoon of blankets. “Was it really you? What is it?”

  Dee leans out of her bunk to stare at me. I stare back at her. I’d not expected this to happen, and I sure as hell don’t have a good answer ready.

  Rody whistles through his teeth. “Alright. I didn’t know this was a big deal. I retract the question.”

  “You cannot retract my question,” protests Nate.

  “Then, my boy, you better do that.”

  “I retract my question. Of my own accord.”